Crash!!!

For those who haven't been following elsewhere, I upgraded to a new mountain bike a week and a half ago. I've done a few short rides on it, and it is a lot nicer than the entry level MTB's I had (which have been passed on to other entry level riders), much easier to get up hills and over obstacles, and definitely a lot smoother on the rippled dirt roads. (Some say it better be for the money I paid for it)

Specialized Camber Carbon Comp

After some patching up

Unfortunately, though there are days off this week, I won't be riding (much), because of what happened on Saturday morning. The damage to me:. grazed face, broken pinky finger, cuts on nose from glasses, the glasses have some deep scratches on the lenses. The helmet also has a deepish impact 'injury'. There are some grazes on my knees and forearms, and my right shoulder has been aching as if it's had a good hard bump. The bike as you can see looks almost perfect but I have managed to put some scratches on the handlebars and lever mounts.

Yup I haven't washed the bike yet, I'll do it later today.

What happened? Well I don't remember.... but the GPS tracks I have give some circumstantial evidence.


The green line above is speed and the grey line is altitude, as you can see going down hill at nearly 40Km/h suddenly drops to 0 then I continue a bit more down before turning around and coming back up. This doesn't show time linearly so I can't really see gaps where I was stationery but actual riding was 34 minutes and I got home almost an hour after I left. It is also apparent, based on the speed up the hill, that I rode home, but again I don't recall that. Also I came home with some toilet paper I didn't leave with so someone must have helped me, also looking this morning I must have drunk from my juice bottle but I don't remember that. In fact I only start remembering in sequence properly after I got into my friend Alan's car, who took me to the doctor.

The rubber ring on the shock which gets pushed up and records maximum depression was pushed up quite high which indicates that I probably rode into a hole and got thrown forward hitting the dirt with my face. For what it's worth this is a section of track I know fairly well I've ridden it dozens of times as I nearly always start MTB rides down this hill.so I really don't know what unexpected obstacle I might have hit. Maybe I'll take a (slow) ride or walk there to see if there is any evidence of what might have happened.

So some lessons learned?

• Always wear protective gear, judging by the impact on the helmet without it I would have a cracked skull, without the glasses my eyes might have been damaged. With a full face helmet my face wouldn't have got grazed (or at least not as badly).
• There are some good people out there, the unknown person who helped could just as easily have been someone who took advantage of my unconscious/addled state and robbed me, but I came home with everything I left with as well as the tissue that had been used to mop some of my blood off my face and arms.
• I'm only human, broken and frail both in the physical/mental sense and the spiritual sense.

Despite what many may think, that it was just good luck or fortune that I came home relatively safely, I know there is a God who cares for me, and who had this incident in His plan, and that He works only for the good of those He has chosen. I don't know what exactly the purpose of this is, and I may never know. I have peace about that, there is no point fretting about why God does things, we may never understand His purposes completely and who are we to question Him, who created all from nothing, when He chooses pain to refine us more into his likeness. Whether this was beneficial for me or whether it is beneficial to someone else at my expense matters not to me. I can only thank Him for working through me and perhaps I will know the blessing this has brought when I meet with Him in glory.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 ESV)

2 Peter 1v2

May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. (ESV)

As I said last time we so often gloss over the greetings and miss out on much value that God has for us in both the heart with which the greetings are toned and the teaching that is in them, last time we saw how the words of Peter in v1 put his stamp of apostolic authority on what he is about to say but also highlights the equal value of those he is writing to ‘A faith of equal standing with ours.’ And the humility with which he is about to appeal to the readers recognizing the foundational truth that righteousness comes by Christ alone and not any work of their or our own.
To this he now adds that his desire for the readers is that we may continue in grace and peace, that such grace and peace would be multiplied to us in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
It is often said that grace is the active work that is done for and to us that we don’t deserve, in the sense we are looking at it now it is specifically the fact that Christ works in us through sanctification which builds upon itself in a multiplicative way, the more we receive grace the more we realize how much more we need, it’s a bit like looking through a keyhole and seeing something of what is happening but not getting the whole picture but as Christ works in us we become more perceptive of our blindness and failings and thus need more and more grace shown towards us to lift us up, in a sense God gradually pulls us through the door so that we get to understand more and more of His Glory and understand better the disastrous effect our sinfulness had on that relationship, and yet because we see more of his glory and receive more of His grace, in the fuller awareness we cannot help but leap in joy and praise as what lays behind us becomes comparably insignificant.
Peace is I think both the peace that denotes the restoration of the relationship between ourselves and the Godhead as well as the effect of that peace on our brothers and sisters around us, peace in this sense is not a quiet cessation of hostilities, but a joining of enemies that results in a greater work spilling exponentially over into the hearts and minds of those around us, who see mortal enemies now able to live and work in harmony. We see different parts joined together in a way that works as a whole, we see broken parts being supported by other parts, many also broken but in different ways. And the lifeblood flowing through this wonderful organism is Christ’s and at the centre of it is the cross.
All of this has it’s root founded upon the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, we cannot leave this out, without a foundation no building can stand when the storms come, it will wash away from underneath or it will blow over as it has nothing to keep it on the ground, it will crumble as the ground shakes as walls come apart. The weak walls even when cemented together cannot hold under pressure if they have no grounding that transmits its strength up the heights and breadth and width of the structure. It’s also important to note that a foundation is not just a simple laying of a border and a slab but the very design of the building on top of it is taken into consideration, it is no use simply building the outer wall and then building other load bearing walls inside, eventually the floor will cave in and these other walls will collapse, God has created a design in the foundation that we must not waiver from, or we will fall into destruction, we cannot simply willy-nilly put up a wall where God did not design for one to be, it’s also a bit pointless not building a wall where God designed one to be as it will leave a gap in the structure that would be important when the roof or the next level is put on. We need to ground our faith on the plan and purpose of God and not try to twist it to our own ends.
As you will see later this is all important introduction for the warning which is to come in this book, we need to grow in our knowledge, we must not run around in ignorance, it will lead to many being pulled around by false doctrines, we need to dig into God’s word and see where he has planned for us to stand, rooting ourselves, and allowing ourselves to be built upon by the next layer or generation of believers as the builder builds His temple the Church. And all of this whilst we seem to be busy applying our own strength is amplified by God’s strength as he provides all that we need to accomplish His purpose and plan.

2012 94.7 err 93.47 or something like that

This year the race was slightly shorter than the last couple of years at around 93.5 Km instead of 97.4 Km that didn't however translate to a shorter race time wise though. I finished the race in official time of 3:48:06, which is slightly more than last year, I was hoping for 3:30 but the new route off the M1 highway towards Hillbrow was slightly more taxing on the legs, and the wind and the heat on the N14 highway sapped the strength, the biggest knock comparing my stats to last years ride was definitely the N14.

Although it was evident from my heart rate that I am slightly fitter (HR dropped faster on the downhills where I just tuck up and let gravity pull me down ... fast) I'm still in need of improving my climbing abilities, and perhaps shedding a few more Kg will help there too.

Having said that, if like me you're are somewhat of a  sadomasochist who loves pain and enjoys a challenge, and the satisfaction of having completed something fairly hard, the race was fun, meeting up with some of the other club members at the finish and sharing 'war' stories after riding mostly alone in the race, and getting advice from some of the (much) more experienced guys was also entertaining.

Naturally I will be back next year to give it another go, at my age and level of fitness, I don't expect to be winning any races it's all about the personal challenge and the reward is in the satisfaction of knowing that just a few years ago I couldn't even ride 7Km before being completely exhausted. Hopefully also what I have achieved will be an inspiration to other couch potatoes to get out there and do something healthy for a change.

Anyhow here is a photo of me at the start courtesy of  Action Photo It usually takes a week or two for them to sort through and find all the photos and link them to the race numbers but if you are interested in purchasing photos of me (or others) you can find them at www.actionphoto.net follow the prompt icons 'South Africa' - 'Cycling'- 'Momentum 94.7 Cycle Challenge 2012' you will need the race number of the person in my case that is 9961.

Last and definitely not least if you haven't already done so please go to http://www.justgiving.com/Jeremy-Pointer and donate towards Martin House, donations will be open until 18/02/2013 so please show your generosity and support this worthwhile cause.

94.7 Training update and fund raising reminder

Well it's a week to go till 94.7 Cycle Challenge which is just tapering and keeping the legs going, I hope that by taking the advanced 94.7 fittrack program I haven't overtrained - it has been hard work but I have managed to almost keep up the required workload. I'm just under where I'm supposed to be. This weeks rides are supposed to be an hour each at varying intensities but since to work or back takes about 39-45 minutes I will tweak the number of rides or intensity without working too hard.

One important thing to note is that the fittrack graphs are related to heart rate and length of training time, and although distance/speed is recorded it is not factored into the fitness points, so my 78.2 score may seem better than others but I might exert my heart more riding slower than someone who is actually stronger or lighter than me and therefore rides significantly faster.

So given that I still struggle uphill and I'm not exactly light at ~97KG although advance says a time between 2h45 and 3h15 should be achieved I'm setting my target at a more realistic 3h30, whether I've overtrained and might bonk, well we'll see, either way it has been and will continue to be fun. I have managed to break the 1000Km per month barrier in September and October, I might have done so in August but I caught a cold and decided to rather rest and get better than ride and possibly make it worse (that gap can also be seen in the drop in the above graph. I have ridden 401Km so far in November.

To give you some idea of my progress the below is a graph of distance ridden per month since Aug 2009 which is when I started cycling, months in which there was no or little riding where due to colds and or flu.

A reminder (especially for those who voted) since it's a week to go I'm riding to raise funds... yes I know it's a UK based organisation but so far I've only had one donation and since all the voters voted the same way I expected some would be happy to donate, I will be putting in a donation of my own after I get paid at the end of the month, but I'd really like to see some others helping. 

http://www.justgiving.com/Jeremy-Pointer

2 Peter 1v1

Simeon Peter a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ, to those who have obtained a faith of equal standing with ours by the righteousness of our God and Saviour Jesus Christ. (ESV)

It has been said before but it bears repeating, we so often gloss over the greetings as mere formalities but as they form part of God’s Word they are full of richness of meaning and this is no exception, we need to repeatedly ask ourselves when reading scripture, why did the author  write these specific words, when enquiring like this we can dig out a lot more application than just taking them on the surface value.

So why does Peter start off by recalling to our minds that this is Simeon or Simon that became Peter, one of the main reasons is to establish his authority as a witness to Christ,  as we will see later this will be important when the question of  the true gospel is raised in regard to false teachers. I think also there is an element of identifying with the readers that there was a change that took place in his life which stems not from his own work but that by the righteousness of our God and saviour Jesus Christ. He was Simon, which means ‘hear’, who Christ made into Peter which as most  know means  rock. He heard Christ and believed and was given the Christ’s nature as a solid rock, a foundation stone, we all receive Christ’s nature when we hear and believe. He is showing us that he is also just an ordinary man empowered by God, no different in quality from anyone else, highlighted in the phrase ‘faith of equal standing’. His authority and righteousness stem not from himself but from Christ, and when we believe the same applies to us we become a stone that others can build upon in their belief or that those who refuse to listen will stumble over.

The next words confirm his authority as a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ’ but again raises the recognition that being an apostle whilst of significant importance is not a reason to be a dictator or  considered a superior standing, more importantly the emphasis is on himself  being a servant of Jesus Christ. And who does Jesus Christ serve, well as Christ himself pointed out he serves believers by becoming the scapegoat, by taking on human flesh, and facing temptation as we do, by washing the disciples feet, and ultimately being the sacrifice that takes the penalty in our place. This is the picture of biblical leadership we see pictured in every God designed relationship - that of servant leadership, we lead by considering other needs above our own and serving, we love one another by obedient service to our leaders, the biblical shepherd does not herd the sheep by frightening, cajoling and chasing them, but by going first, preparing the way, and calling them to follow, which when they recognise the voice those who belong to him will do. Likewise we are to be one anothers servants. Given the recognition or title or job of elder, or deacon, or Sunday school teacher, or youth leader or treasurer or whatever is not an entitlement to lord it over others but a privilege and responsibility to serve others, and ultimately to serve God through acts of ministry he enables us to do.

‘A faith of equal standing’ shows also that there is no difference in the readers faith to that of Peter, the basis of that faith is the same, there was not anything in Peter’s experience that made him better or made it more sure. Our faith is just as sure, our faith is based on the same infinitely stable and solid ground of Christ, it is not based on how we feel, or how we think, or how we behave though these are indicators and evidence of our faith, it stands on Christ alone.

I’ve already said it but we can never hear the story enough that it is not by anything we do that makes us righteous in God’s eyes, it is the work of our God and Saviour Jesus Christ, it is his righteousness that clothes us, the very word translated ‘obtained’ in greek ‘lang-khan'-o’ denotes the casting of lots, not something that we can earn by our effort  or even reach out and take but rather something is given to us due to circumstances beyond our control, in this case the implication being it is God’s choice. (sneaking a look ahead at vs 3 ‘who called us to his own glory and excellence’)

So in summary Peter points out that we can have confidence in the words he writes because they come from God and not from him, that our faith is of equal standing which is based on Christ work and God’s own choosing  and therefore we can have confidence in it and that this faith works itself out in us being servants of Christ and of one another.

Charity 94.7 Cycle Challenge Martin House

In case you haven't been following I have decided to dedicate my Momentum 94.7 Cycle Challenge to raise funds for Martin house. I've set up a JustGiving Page (http://www.justgiving.com/Jeremy-Pointer) to provide a means to recieve your donations. Read more about why there  Please give generously but wisely according to your means.

Alex With an Owl

Alex enjoying the 2012 Paralympics

Enjoying Biscuits

Derek, Alex, Louise aaand Big show!!

Me crossing Nelson Mandela Bridge 2011 94.7 Cycle challenge

Elder Ordination

 Today I was formally accepted as an Elder at Krugersdorp Baptist Church, for those that don't know this has been a long and sometimes difficult process.
Of course there were a few jokes about getting old to be an elder.
Honestly though while in one sense this is an honour the overwhelming thoughts in my head lie in the recognition of the solemn responsibility that goes with this. It's bad enough that I'm 'serious' a lot of the time anyway, now the 'officialness' of this privilege rests it's weight on top of that.


"For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it." (Titus 1:7-9 ESV)

If it sounds like I'm apprehensive well I am a bit, but in another sense I'm looking forward to serving the people of Krugersdorp Baptist in a more meaningful way. A week or so ago my boss posted a picture with two non overlapping circles, the smaller circle representing our comfort zone and a bigger circle labelled 'where the magic happens' Most of us just carry on living never reaching beyond what we know i.e. in our comfort zone, for all sorts of reasons this is not one of those for me, I'm going to be stretched and whilst I wouldn't use the word 'magic', and I will most definitely not be relying on only my own strength I know I'm reaching into that bigger circle.

Only God has made this possible, in His infinite wisdom he has brought me along a path, which includes a lot of mistakes and failures on my part, that has prepared me for this work, nothing I am or have done in my own strength has brought me here, only my absolute faith and hope (which He gives me anyway) in God through Christ and in the power granted by the Holy Spirit are going to carry me through. This I know "He who has begun a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Christ"

For through the law I died to the law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

(Galatians 2:19-20 ESV)

Ride for a cause?

On 18 November 2012 I will be riding the Momentum 94.7 Cycle Challenge again. I could just ride or I could use the opportunity to try and raise some funds for a cause. There are lot's of worthy causes around and some of which can be found here http://www.cyclechallenge.co.za/Home/CharityBonds . Out of those I've chosen three of the bigger ones to mention, all three related to supporting Cancer research and support.
http://www.thecows.co.za/facq.aspx http://www.pinkdrive.co.za/about-us/ http://www.pinkchicks.co.za/

A family related one: One of my nephews, Alex Mason, has Friedreich's Ataxia a neurological degenerative disease and makes use of services offered by Martins House in the UK http://www.martinhouse.org.uk/


I'm certain some of you will have other suggestions, and perhaps the opportunity can be used for more than one cause, but I wouldn't want to divide the spoils too much.



Help me choose by voting in the voting panel which should be near top right of this page.

So I haven't posted in a while, usually you just get the studies of 1John, the last one of which was a survey of 1 John and I just read some verses I wanted to highlight, now I need to choose what to do next for our Tuesday night prayer meeting messages.

Also I decided to do some of the free courses available at class central  http://www.class-central.com/ and have completed the first course CS101 which is a intro to Computer Science. 

Now trying to do ST101 Intro to Statistics and CS215 Algorithms  which I'm finding quite challenging. Doesn't help that I've got to review my high school maths as well to get through this.

After 6 weeks being off the baaiesukkel I decided to take up the challenge of riding every day of the Tour de France http://www.letour.fr , so far I've managed 285Km this past week at the woeful avg speed of 21Km/h with about 2300m of climbing HR avg 84% of max. Of course this is nothing to what those guys are doing around europe but for me it's good. I'm also sure I'll get my speed up a bit as  I go on.

Most of the rides have started and ended with this view from the front door (photo taken last october) at some ridiculously low temperatures (it's the middle of winter here). I've been navigating using Jupiter and Venus in the sky. If I'm going to go madder I might as well do it properly leaving at ~4:30am. I'm going to try and incorporate a bit more sanity this week doing more rides to/from work though.

Anyway it's late so I think that's enough from me for now.

1 John 5:18-21

We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him. 19 We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. 20 And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. 21 Little children, keep yourselves from idols.

We see that John reminds us that all born of God do not keep sinning in other words they do not continue to live in sin, but that a specific one born of God I.e. Jesus will protect those who by his atoning work have also been born of God, he encourages us that we cannot be touched by the evil one, that of course does not mean we will not suffer as a result of satans wiles but I think rather that he cannot take hold of us and bring us under his control. He goes on to point out that we know that we are of God, this is so emphatic that I dare to say if we lack this confidence of  being from God we are not  saved, yes we may have short periods of doubt, but when it comes to the crunch if we are confident of our belonging we can find assurance of our election. We see also that the world, by which it seems John is referring to those who are not saved, lie in the power of satan, notice that this lying indicates a resignation or a lack of effort to escape, those in the world have no desire to move out of their 'comfort zone', and don't even realize the danger they are in, they simply lie in ignorance as their eyes remain closed.  On the other hand those who have been chosen by God have been given understanding by the Son of God , they no longer lie in ignorance but rather realizing the truth of their situation, find themselves knowing the one who is true, and thus being 'in him' taking on His very nature becoming holy, as he is holy. There has been some confusion regarding the use of grammar especially with regard as to which 'he' is being referred to in each phrase at the end of v20 I.e. is it the father or the son whom we know, who is eternal life, and in whom we find ourselves as a first cause, is this a proof statement of Jesus being the son also being God, I think we have enough evidence in other passages of John's writings that it can be taken as an and rather than an or, we know from elsewhere of the trinity, and we know that Christ being the son is also God, and God became man through the person of Christ, and that is Christs work on the cross that brings us into the presence of the father and the son as the bride and we know also that the spirit dwells in us and we in him, although we can't fully grasp the triunity of God and how we are brought into unity we can rest that we can know enough of the true God as foundation to trusting him alone for eternal life. John closes with an exhortation to keep ourselves from idols,  many have debated over the years about what John meant by this, some will argue that he meant merely the idols of ephesus, some will argue that he means statues or pictures of God, some will argue that he meant anything that could be used as a description or something that symbolises God. In the end I think elevating anything to more importance than God in our lives, even good things like family or church and also anything that reduces God to something we think we can comprehend amounts to worshipping something that is not the true God and is therefore an idol. We need to be aware that we need to submit to worshiping God in spirit and truth being in awe and wonder and fear of his unmeasurable qualities in all ways and not allowing anything to be a false image of Him.

1John 5v13-17

  13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.  14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.  15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.   16 If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that.  17 All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death. (ESV)

Again John reminds us why he is writing this epistle – that we may know we have eternal life. He has been doing this by contrasting the believers experience and behaviour to that of the unbeliever, and here he now focuses on prayer. He starts in v13-15 by encouraging us to pray, and that we can have confidence when we pray according to God’s will, that he will hear us and answer us.

Most of the commentators point out that the v16-17 is a difficult piece of scripture to understand clearly, but what I think John is saying to us here is that we need to pray for the sinner whilst discouraging the praying for people to be rescued from the just rewards of their sin. The sin that leads to death is the only sin that cannot be forgiven, the sin of rejecting Christs work on the cross, and the work of the Holy spirit in our lives.

He encourages us to pray for our brother, ‘our brother’ does not necessarily refer to a brother who already believes but by implication of the phrase ‘a sin not leading to death’ and the fact that all sin of the unredeemed leads to death, we can infer that John is speaking of the elect whether they have already come to know salvation or not. Similarly when John refers to the ‘sin that leads to death’ we can infer that he is referring to the kind of unrepentant sinfulness a nonbeliever is habitually committing. In other words we should be careful to pray for the life of those we see in sin but not necessarily just ask for relief from the consequences of their sin and that we understand that the non-elect will suffer the eternal punishment. That is not to say we shouldn't pray for physical healing, and relief from difficulties, we should, but we should pray more that these things be used to bring repentance and sanctification.

It is noteworthy that when we see a brother sinning, our response should be to pray for them, how often do we not do this but instead, despise, reject, gossip about the persons sin, instead of asking God to save the person or to work in that persons heart that they repent of their sin. Yes we do need to confront the sinner and rebuke their sin following Christs gudelines in Matt 18, but let us first turn to prayer and seek God’s direction through his word praying for their soul.

We can deduce, from what John is saying, that those who have been chosen by God to be saved will not continue in their sin but those who have been chosen by God for damnation will continue in their sinfulness. We can know we are saved if we are fighting against our sin which ‘does not lead to death’. 
Let us take comfort that whilst we fall, the fact that we battle against our sin is a sign that have eternal life.

My broken heart

First of all I need to say that I originally posted the unedited version at 3am this morning, but at 6am decided to delete it and have edited it slightly but I do need to explain my behaviour and apologise where hurt has been rendered. So here goes.

I am going to try and write a confession of sorts, it's probably going to sound a bit like an excuse in some ways, and to some extent a justification, but I truly hope that in getting this out I will find the beginning of a healing process (otherwise known as sanctification). I want to preface with a 'disclaimer' of sorts. It may seem that I'm pointing fingers of blame at certain individuals, please be assured, if you feel I'm talking about you, that I hold no malice towards you, and that despite whether you believe as I do or not I see the hand of God working through the people around me to effect sanctification in me. Sanctification according to scripture is a process akin to refining of gold through fire, or as cutting and kneading of clay to remove air and other impurities, it is not comfortable, but it is necesary. I am also aware that as I am being sanctified by those around me there is an equivalent effect of me being used to sanctify those who have received salvation so before you start praising yourself for your part in my sanctification, examine your own heart, and turn to our Father who is waiting for you to confess your sins and turn from your wicked ways, and then praise the only One who truly deserves praise.  Secondly my opinions and thoughts as at now are subject to correction by the Holy Spirit through the Word, so please study scripture yourself, if necesary correction and reproof is valuable to me, I will try to accept it graciously and with intent to correct.

Recently (and not so recently on many occasions) I have found myself in the uncomfortable position of having to have 'fun' amongst my fellowship of believers, 99% of you, if not more, will probably find that confession a rather strange statement. As strange as it may seem I do not find fun in games, I am only occasionally mildly entertained observing others enjoy themselves in games, it is even worse for me when these games are made into a competition. Although there have been occasions where I appear to have joined in and had fun, most of those times have been an effort for me and usually involve putting on a mask, a dishonest chore at the least. However the reaction is usually worse when I can't face putting on the masks and try to decline participation or when having participated anyway I afterwards admit that I did not enjoy myself, and would rather have been doing something else 'more useful'. Unfortunately trying to force me against my will is rarely successful, I'm really stubborn, and some of you have been hurt by a coldly toned retort, usually along the lines of 'leave me alone' I sincerely apologise and ask for forgiveness. 

Most times in the past I have considered myself in the right and just left it at that, life is after all a serious matter, and eternal life and our purpose here even more so is it not? To be honest I'm finding it difficult not to think like that right now. In a blog post not so long ago I wondered how much time for fun (holidays) Paul had in between the beatings and being chained to guards, or how much relaxation (leave) time Peter had while feeding the sheep. But as now there have been the odd occasions where I wonder if I am in the wrong.

As I sat contemplating and praying, and evaluating, and praying, and watching, and yes, praying, and as I continue to do so now as I write this I have little idea of how I might have gotten the way I am. As one school colleague pointed out to me a little while ago  'I see you are still so serious'. As I look back over my life and try to work out when I got this way, I struggle to find a time when I wasn't. Two images came to mind tonight. The first image was of a flower, and as I thought about how I tend to see flowers I realized that instead of just finding appreciation in the beauty of a flower I have the inclination to pull it apart to figure out what it's bits are, examine those bits under a microscope and find wonder in the complexities and intricacies, in the process the plain beauty of the whole is lost to me. The second image is of a human body, and again instead of just looking at the outer I want to dig in both on a physical, and for lack of a better word, a psychological level and analyse it to pieces, yes I appreciate the wonder of the inside workings but I lose an appreciation of the outer beauty in the process. When I now look these two illustrations of my actions I see an inkling of what's in my life that causes me to dig right in and pull apart and analyse and think and contemplate, instead of simply appreciating the beauty. The problem that I seem to have with the kind of fun I struggle with, is that due to analysing and pulling it apart I have come to the conclusion, that it is a form of escapism from reality i.e.not taking every thought captive, or alternatively a digression from where we should find our true joy and full satisfaction. I'm afraid I haven't found anything to counter this conclusion. When people use scripture to justify having fun they point to the (en)joy passages nearly all of which tell us our joy is to be found in God and activities of worship, including acts of love and fellowship torwards one another, not in games, naturally some will say that enjoying games is a form of worship or fellowship, perhaps so, but if that is the case it is so covered by the competitive prideful desire to be better i.e. to win that I fail to see it that way, the message of finding our ultimate enjoyment in Christ is completely lost when we enthrall in being better than our brother. What seems to me worse is the taunting teasing attitude, and goading self praise a competitor or team engages in both during and after the game.

Please note I have taken the view that this is my issue, most people probably do not conclude as I do and are perfectly comfortable with games I am not comfortable with, I don't hold it against people that they are not of the same mind on this as me, which is why I usually come to these gatherings to at least show some interest even when I am not up to participating and perhaps one day my mind will be changed.

Now having said that, I must get to another related failing, which is a lack of being close to my brothers and sisters in Christ. This results in misunderstanding, my refusal to participate appears to be a refusal to commune, which in a sense it is, because I have estranged myself from people in general, and find it difficult to engage with even those close to me, my not wanting to put on a mask of pretense, shows up a wall of seperation that is real because I do not open up enough to those around me. In addition to this is a lack of expressiveness in things where I do find joy, and for that matter sadness, love, hurt, anger, and all other thought processes and actions we call emotions. My problem in summary boils down to a failure to communicate my inner thoughts. I have no problem communicating ideas in general as long as it does not affect what my perception is of what people think of me and vice versa. In other words I find it difficult to get personal, both in giving out personal information and asking for it from others. Because of many painful experiences along the way of growing up I built walls of defense that I find difficult to knock through. Those who have gotten to know me better might think I'm talking nonsense here, but they fall into two categories, first there are those who think they know me but have only scratched the surface, and second  those who I trust well who I am more open with and there are very few of these. I am aware of this sin which is perhaps an evidence of a lack of sufficient love, and I can only ask you to believe me when I say I am working hard to overcome, but over and way above that, the Lord is forcing me to take it on by circumstances, I keep telling people I need a fire lit under me to make me move, well there are fires getting lit all around me right now, I know and trust the Lord that allowing those fires to refine me will equip me, to face the next challenge on the racetrack to holiness. A racetrack which does not involve being the first to the finish line but only that we reach it. This of course means I need to make my way through these fires, not by putting them out or going around them, but by allowing them to burn away the dross and cause those walls of defense I mentioned earlier to collapse.

Pray for me I need it.

1 John 5:6-12

I'm publishing this a bit late, mainly because I needed to complete ideas that were in my head but I hadn't noted down.
6 This is he who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ; not by the water only but by the water and the blood. And the Spirit is the one who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. 7 For there are three that testify: 8 the Spirit and the water and the blood; and these three agree. 9 If we receive the testimony of men, the testimony of God is greater, for this is the testimony of God that he has borne concerning his Son. 10 Whoever believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself. Whoever does not believe God has made him a liar,  because he has not believed in the testimony that God has borne concerning his Son. 11 And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12 Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. (ESV)
In v6-8 We are told that Jesus came by the water and the blood, commentators agree that it is difficult to understand what John meant here and therefore differ on the meaning of this some refer to Johns gospel and the fact that he witnessed water and blood flowing from Jesus side when the spear was thrust in, some understand it is referring to water which cleanses us from sin and blood which gives us new life. Others draw an inference of the water to Jesus' baptism where the Spirit came upon him and the blood referrring to his death on the cross. I've always understood it as pointing to the fact that Jesus was born as a man in the virgin birth (through water as we are all born), and through his blood and death and resurection became the firstborn of many by His blood. John is using phraseology here which was understood clearly at the time of writing, and since it is God's word is meant for then and now, but although the meaning of the water and blood may not be perfectly clear to us what is clear is that somehow there is a threefold testimony, the Spirit the water and the blood. I just want to point out that whilst we look now through this lense dimly, if we trust what is written, we can know that in time to come we shall see clearly and understand.
In v 9-12 we are shown that the testimony of God regarding our belief in Christ, and therefore our eternal life, is given to us by himself, yes he may use men as agents of bringing us to a realization of faith, but the belief we find in ourselves is something He puts there and if it is He that testifies these things we can have complete assurance that they are true. Conversely if we do not believe this testimony we are viewing God as a liar, in other words if we do not believe we are sinning. Matthew Henry notes of such an unbeliever: "He must believe that God did not send his Son into the world, when he has given us such manifold evidence that he did, or that Jesus Christ was not the Son of God, when all that evidence relates to and terminates upon him, or that he sent his Son to deceive the world and to lead it into error and misery, or that he permits men to devise a religion which, in all the parts of it, is a pure, holy, heavenly, undefiled institution, and so worthy to be embraced by the reason of mankind, and yet is but a delusion and a lie, and then lends them his Spirit and power to recommend and obtrude it upon the world, which is to make God the Father, the author and abettor, of the lie." We need to recognise that unbelievers actively disbelieve, it isn't some kind of accident that happens to them, that we should pity, but it is a deliberate choice they make, a deliberate choice that calls God a liar, a choice that in their own eyes makes them wiser than God, and therefore is pure idolatry putting oneself in the place of God. Plainly and clearly in v11 and 12 we are told that the only way to have life is through God's one and only Son, Jesus Christ, any other way is false and by implication leads to death. But Oh the glorious realisation that if God gives us this testimony, and His son is given to us, it is for eternity and cannot be taken away. If you haven't already, I plead with you now, accept God's testimony, and His son, and recieve the life He means for you to have.

Ja wateva

Had an interesting last few weeks, between leading the services at Church doing the childrens talks, (thankfully for the congregation not preaching ... much) doing the usual worship song and mission focus presentation, quite a few bicycle 'problems' flat tyres, bent hangers, slightly buckled rims not to mention running into a pedestrian this morning and needing 3 stitches on the bridge of my nose (bike is 100% though) and I'm not sure where the pedestrian went he was walking away rubbing the back of his head the last I saw him, I hope he's allright. Computers at work with failing hdd's and blown (lightning?) motherboards and network switches, corrupted pst files, the beginning of a software license evaluation, and audit of DRP and IT policies, new pbx installation to deal with too.

Hey ho it's all part of the fun, as usual the end of January birthdays in our family will probably be minimally celebrated, paying for my nose repair this morning swallowed any spare cash we might have had.
One good thing though I've somehow managed to consume a book or two that been sitting on my phone/tablet for a while and one paper book, and I'm currently working my way through John Pipers 50 Reasons Christ came to die and AW Pink's Divine covenants, and listening to a series of sermons by Kim Riddlebarger on eschatology

In all this apparent busyness some things have come to mind that I find concerning and that is the apparent lack to dedication in Christ's service that I see in my own life and of other christians around me. I say apparent because I don't know all the reasons but suspect that many of the reasons are just excuses that boil down to one serving oneself instead of God. I observe my own sinfulness and know that similar sins beset many of those around me, if I wasn't so involved in the services at Church I may have skipped some too out of pure laziness, and desiring to do the things I want to do, instead of desiring God and the good things He has for me. I'm not particularly close to the non immediate family around me, so maybe what I am about to say should be salted with that in mind, but it strikes me that all too often we fall into the track of family tradition and celebrations seeing them as more important than our service to our christian brethren, in other words we will skip church so we can have a party with friends and family who are not christians, we will be lazy all week when we should and could be working and suddenly panic on sunday night when we have to catch up on work needed for monday morning, and then skip church to do it. We indulge ourselves in sinful unhealthy addictions of many sorts and as a result become too ill or tired to serve as we should, or our sinful addictions cause illness in those around us and leading to unnecessary time and effort caring for these needs. I'm not saying that even when we don't indulge ourselves with these sinful 'pleasures' we will always be healthy, we live in a sinful and broken world, but we plan to fail when we continuously please ourselves with foolish unhealthy behaviour.  In addition we tend to spend way too much time on entertaining ourselves with activities like games, and watching unwholsome TV and a whole bunch of other things, instead of reading, meditating on, and praying through God's word and other books and media which can help us understand it. We make ourselves unprepared to defend our faith in this way, we lose out on oppurtunities because we are not confident in our understanding, or we lack knowledge. What is more is that many outside the church look in and see gluttonous, bad habited, complaining, ignorant, sometimes negative people in the church and want to have nothing to do with it.

I'm not judging anyone when I wonder how many 'holidays' Paul had while he was on his missionary journeys or chained to Roman guards, or being whipped and beaten numerous times, or how much leave did Peter have while he was feeding the sheep of Christ. Yes times have changed and we live in a different society, but I think we sometimes exaggerate the differences in order to feel less guilty about pleasing ourselves and not doing the work God has called us to, instead of witnessing on the beach, we lie on it, instead of visiting our families to share christ we visit them to revel. On the other hand it isn't any good hiding in the church and never spending time with family and friends and acquaintances sharing the good news, and being salt and light to them in our behaviour and our words. The christians of the first century turned the world on it's head, do we not have the same Holy Spirit of God in us. I think the main difference is we allow too much of us in us and not enough of Him in other words we show our weak and soft and scared selves instead of His strength, His solidness, and His power over all things..... we fail to surrender completely to Him.

If like me you find yourself described in some or all of the bad behaviour described above, allow me to beg of you as I battle with my own self, it doesn't have to stay that way, if you are a Christian you are in a process of sanctification, continually pray and ask God to change you and when (not if) He reveals the next step, take it in faith. All things work to the good for those that love the Lord. It only takes one simple decision and acting on it at a time to walk the path of righteousness, in the slogan of a famous brand of sports goods 'Just Do It'.