But I do want to share something that's been on my heart for a long time, it's something that goes to the very heart of 'Christian' life and I put it between apostrophes because truly it applies to all our lives and interaction with others. The fact that the teaching comes out of the Christian Bible does not make it any less relevant to all mankind. Whether you believe you are a 'Born again christian' (I don't like the term much because all true christians by definition are born again) or an atheist, a buddhist, a hindu, a muslim, just plain agnostic, or whether you think you are a christian but are just deceiving yourself, we all need to learn a lesson on how to treat one another, and we all need reminding of this so often because we tend to put ourselves first, our pride, our desire to be our own master and tendency to do what we want to do, instead of what would lift up those around us and our communities gets in the way of treating one another with respect and dignity.
So even if you aren't a christian I ask that you put aside any animosity you may have towards 'the church', look through the the fact that I'm using the bible, and consider how you might be getting in the way of your relationships with others, if necessary change the way you act or think towards others, I promise you, acting in the way I'm going to present will bring a peace and satisfaction that overrides any hurt others may do to you, or even that you may do to yourself.
Some of you reading this may think it is directed at you, especially after certain recent events, yes it is but it is also written for many others like you, and it has been something I've been wanting to say for a long time, I am thinking of some people as I'm writing this and if you think I'm speaking to you, well it's definitely possible I am, maybe even without knowing it. If it hits a nerve it might be triggering some guilt in you, guilt isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's like a physical pain, or like a fear warning you of danger ahead, it's a sign that there is something wrong you need to deal with, it may be that your feeling of guilt is misdirected or unfounded but it is something that needs inspecting so that it can be dealt with.
Introduction over, as I've already alluded to this is a message expounding on some words found in the bible and those words are:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a ESV)
I also want to add another scripture that is key to those who are christians but lots of value can be extracted by others too:
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
(Galatians 2:20 ESV)
"is patient and kind" We are so often so quick to take offence at things that are done to us, the main reason for this is we like to think of ourselves as the most important thing, if we are honest at our core we are self serving, it takes work and dedication to redirect our thoughts to realise that the best things we do are those things we do for others, these are often the most rewarding activities especially when directed at those who have great need. But to get to the point where our first reaction is not selfish very often takes patience, it is often a result of being taken through dire straits oneself and being helped by others through that. Being kind implies that we give others the benefit of the doubt (or grace), it also means that we allow others the space to mess up too, put up your hands if you've never messed up, yup as I thought I don't see any hands. Yes I know this is a blog not a live event but if you put up your hands (even in your head) I would respectfully inform you that you are either not human or you are just plain lying to yourself. So kindness comes from the recognition that we all do things that we immediately or later regret, we often deliberately and sometimes accidentally do these things, and it's usually a result of one of the attitudes or thought patterns that follow in the scripture quoted.
"love does not envy" Envy is that attitude in ourselves that seeks to have things that belong to others, it's this thought pattern that leads to us wanting to take things away from one another, these things may not be tangible, they might be relationships or emotions we see others enjoying and out of our self centredness we want that thing for ourselves and we decide to try and take it.
"or boast" So many of us need to listen to ourselves sometimes, when the words coming out of our mouths are full of self pride, putting ourselves above everyone around us "I" this and "I" that it can get to the point where we think we are better than the whole world, that the whole universe should revolve around us. We need to take a reality check, not one of us that great, we are tiny speck on a tiny speck, on a tiny speck.... you get where I'm going, you and I are practically nothing in the universe. I'm not saying we shouldn't take pride in our good works, or ourselves when we do well at things, what I'm saying is we need to keep it in check, we need to realise that we all have value and need to be loved by one another, in a way that doesn't raise us in value above those around us.
"it is not arrogant" This is the natural outcome of boasting, especially to oneself, as I've already said, it's the attitude that makes us think we are better than those around us and consequently act in an obnoxious way, certainly not everyone has the same level of intelligence or as I prefer the same kind of intelligence, we don't all have the same backgrounds, we haven't all been given certain kinds of knowledge, we haven't all developed the same talents, yes we are different, we have different roles in our families, in our community, and in society as a whole but that doesn't make us worth more or less than our neighbour in value.
"or rude" Rudeness stems from considering others as less important than ourselves it's that fobbing off of those around us who we can't be bothered dealing with, you know who I'm speaking about we all have them in our lives, we call them nuisances, idiots and all sorts of other nasty names, and when we see them we just want to brush them aside and not have to deal with them. So often because of our nasty attitude toward them we preconceive what they are about to say or ask and we don't listen, very often we miss out on sincere attempts at apologies and reconciliation because we convince ourselves that the person isn't worth it, we devalue them so much in our minds that we treat them like nothing.
At this point there is a nagging question coming into my mind that I'm sure some of you are thinking also, or if you haven't yet probably will sooner or later through this treatise, the question is "but what about murderers, rapists, despots and criminals of all other sorts, haven't they rescinded their right to be treated with love" the answer is a pretty simple "No" but we need to realise that the kind of love needed here is called "discipline" or if you want "punishment" and yes discipline and punishment are a form of love it's the kind of love that seeks to correct, it seeks to restore a person to better behaviour, it seeks to bring that person back to a place where they know that they are valued and that they should value others also. Yes indeed some of these are unrepentant and unwilling to reform and so punishment and discipline continue, sometimes that discipline is final and harsh, and whilst I'm not a proponent of the death penalty, mainly because research shows it's not all that effective anyway, and many 'mistakes' are made in justice systems sentencing people, despite their innocence of the crime of which they were accused, when we have cancers don't we cut it out and kill it, when we have bacterial infections, don't we kill them, when there are viruses spreading don't we try to destroy them. Love is not the same as passivity, it is not JUST a soppy emotion, it includes action, it includes loving society enough to deal in a correct but ultimately truly loving manner.
"It does not insist on its own way; " I'm sure by now you are starting to see a pattern, love is not about you, it's not about what you get, it's not about how others treat you, it's not about how much respect others have for you, it's not about you getting what you want or think you deserve, it's not about you (yes I know I repeated that... I'll do it again) IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU RECEIVE, it is about what YOU GIVE. Love puts self aside, we don't need any effort to love ourselves that comes easily and naturally, whenever you do what you want, whenever you climb over somebody else, whenever you rush to get the first biggest slice of the pie, you are loving yourself, even when you 'hate yourself' in truth you love yourself so much that you think you don't deserve the way you are treating yourself, it's a paradoxical I know, maybe even schizophrenical but it's the truth nevertheless.
"it is not irritable or resentful" I'm going to point out that what we feel is not controlled by people or circumstances outside of us, it may be triggered by those things, but our emotions are controlled by what we think about a situation, our annoyance is triggered because we think the action or words of another person are wrong or unkind, our anger is because we think their words are unjust or unfair, to put it plainly we don't get angry or embarrassed because of what someone else says or does, we get that way because of what we think about what they said or did. It all goes back to the fact that we think we deserve better, I go back to what I said earlier you are nothing on a nothing, and I won't delve here into what we really do deserve, it's a topic for another time. The point is our irritation and anger and resentment is because we think that what we have received lowers our esteem, it kicks the pedestal out from under our feet, it makes us feel smaller than what we think we are or what we want to be, it squashes our ego (which is more often than not overinflated), in other words it impinges on our pride, and we think we have to react against this slight to our character. Read the previous paragraph again (the one about "It does not insist on its own way; ") just in case you've forgotten what it said, even if you haven't forgotten, read it again you need reminding.
"it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth" Two wrongs don't make a right, it's not just about not rejoicing at a wrongdoing it's also about not reacting in a way that is just as wrong, it's so easy for us, when hurt, to react with similar venom we perceive was directed towards us, note I used the word 'perceive' there because so often what we perceive is not reality, sometimes we only hear half the words, sometimes our preconceptions cause our minds to misrepresent the truth to us, we don't hear what the person said, we hear what we think they meant. We think they are against us and we interpret everything they say as though it were directed at us with malintent. That's why we need to rejoice with truth instead of reacting and believing that we are right in our reaction, sometimes we need to take a step back and look and relook at what really happened, and what was really said and what context it was said. The truth is we delight in seeming more righteous than the next person, and we rejoice that they did wrong because we want them to have done wrong so we look better, but in the meantime the truth is we just completely misunderstood them. When wrong has indeed been done however, I would just like to remind you that the reaction should not be one of hatred of the wrongdoer, but of love the kind of love that may need to begin a process of restoration, perhaps through discipline, perhaps through punishment, but love should run through it, and we should make sure we understand the truth of what happened correctly, and if that truth shows, in fact, that we were wrong, rejoice in that fact, seek forgiveness and strive to grow.
"Love bears all things" bearing here is not the same as enduring, bearing is the carrying of a load it refers here to carrying one another, in other words caring for one another in meaningful ways picking one another up when we fall and fail and falter.
", believes all things" Of course we don't and shouldn't believe everything everyone tells us I think John Gill hits the nail on the head "believeth all things; that are to be believed, all that God says in his word, all his truths, and all his promises; and even sometimes in hope against hope, as Abraham did, relying upon the power, faithfulness, and other perfections of God; though such a man will not believe every spirit, every preacher and teacher, nor any but such as agree with the Scriptures of truth, the standard of faith and practice; nor will he believe every word of man, which is the character of a weak and foolish man; indeed, a man of charity or love is willing to believe all the good things reported of men; he is very credulous of such things, and is unwilling to believe ill reports of persons, or any ill of men; unless it is open and glaring, and is well supported, and there is full evidence of it; he is very incredulous in this respect: " In other words we should be quick to think the best of everyone and be slow to think bad of anyone, innocent until proven guilty.
", hopes all things" Hope is that aspect of us that sees the silver lining in a cloud that knows the sun will emerge from behind it, it is that part of us that rejoices in the fact that whilst we don't perceive all that is joyful and good right at the moment, we know and have peace that it will come.
", endures all things." True love can take anything, all kinds of tribulation, suffering and pain, hatred and animosity, if it fails it wasn't love, it might have been infatuation, it might have been our self being bolstered by the attention of another, it might have been the happiness of having things, but all these fade away, they don't last, they are fleeting and temporary. True love starts with a decision, it's like a pact written or sealed in blood ,actually it's more than that but I can't think of an analogy that works, once that decision is made no amount of torture can rescind it, no amount of wrongdoing can make it wrong or invalid.
"Love never ends" It's the nail that keeps everything else I've said together, there is a saying 'it's the nail in the coffin" which means the same as "it's the last straw" but this statement is the nail in the cross. Whatever your view on who Jesus is, it is a historical fact that he stood before Pilate and did not defend himself, he could have, Pilate practically pleaded with him to say something in his defence so that he could free him. a few hours before that Jesus knew he was going to be betrayed, and he knew it was going to be with a kiss, he could easily have escaped, he could easily have put an end to the madness, yet he didn't. Later on the cross he declared "It is finished" what did it mean? Was Jesus the most insane man we've ever known, had he lost his sanity, if the record is to be believed he willingly and voluntarily in a sober state of mind allowed himself to be crucified, for what, for LOVE, and if you don't believe it just go and do some research as to the integrity of the bible, many have tried to debunk it, and yet it stands, it's easy to make up stories, but the best christian and non christian experts have to admit that the bible is the best most verifiable document in human history, if you don't believe it you better throw out the rest of history while you are at it.
So in summary Love is what you give, not what you receive, so much so that it doesn't depend on what you get, it doesn't matter what another person does, it doesn't react in feeling hurt, it doesn't react in retaliation or vengeance, it doesn't react in holding grudges, it reacts in forgiveness and restoration, it reacts in doing good to others, it reacts in esteeming others and letting go of our own esteem, it reacts ultimately in an attitude of being willing to die so that someone else, or perhaps everyone else might live. I will just add one thing to this, Love does not depend on how you feel, Love starts with a decision to love and love continues because we remember that decision and the source of that true love isn't based on us or in us.
Now I added another verse :
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
(Galatians 2:20 ESV)
Whats my point? the key part I want my christian brothers and sisters to see is this "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live" if you have become a Christian you no longer belong to this world, you are still in it, but you don't belong to it, you are still in it, but you are dead in it. Let me ask some questions; do dead people have rights, do dead people feel pain, or hurt, do dead people worry about what others think of them, do dead people have any pride left, do dead people get angry. In Matthew 16 Jesus says "24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Galatians 5:24 says "And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." The point is this if you are dead to self you cannot be maligned, you cannot be subverted, you cannot be belittled, you can't even be hurt, and you can't be killed, YOU ARE DEAD, if you feel any of these things you are not dead to self and if you aren't dead to self you aren't alive in Christ. If I was to stop there I would be in big trouble because I'm doing what we call isogesis I'm isolating a piece of scripture from other scripture to make a point, and it sounds like I'm saying if you feel these things you aren't a christian but that isn't what I'm saying. I'm saying that at the point where you feel those things and act on them you aren't acting or feeling like a christian, at the time you feel those things you shouldn't say 'in love .....' because you aren't acting in love, at that point you are in the world, even though you are not of the world, but you are acting as if you are still of the world, you are acting out and remembering how these things feel, I would say imagining but that's going a bit too far, you should not expect to be apologised to because the hurt that was thrown your way is already swallowed up in love, your forgiveness should be automatic and immediate, your fury should be dissipated as soon as you regain control of your thinking.
One last thing.... why is it that we keep saying things like "I'm not getting .... " and then we act based on that, the reason is quite simple, it is because we forget that love is not about what we receive it's about what we give, how much should we give.... everything, what should we expect from this world (and the people in it) in return.... nothing. What does God in his mercy and grace give us.... infinitely more than we deserve. Stop looking around at your church and the people in it for your 'needs' start giving yourself sacrificially, serving one another in love, regarding others as more important than yourself and God will give you what you really need, he will provide you with an infinite source of love and strength, and reward you with a peace and joy that passes all comprehension. If you don't give of yourself, like a coal removed from the rest of the coals you will grow cold. Depriving your family, your friends or your church of your service will not hurt the church as much as it will hurt you. You will lose touch with your first love, the way to get it back is not by moving on, it's by serving. If in order to serve you HAVE to move, in other words you feel the call to move, then by all means go, but if you are going because you neglected your service and are now not reaping the rewards, you are trying to fix the wrong thing, return to your first love, which is Christ, and serve him by serving the church, not forsaking the gathering of the people but being amongst at every opportunity, not finding excuses not to go but finding every excuse to meet as often as you can, not putting yourself, your success, your comfort, your petty pleasures before the success of the gospel, the hardship of serving and the infinite reward. Stop pretending that you love the church when you have 'legally separated' from it, fix the relationship by returning home, or stop pretending and divorce it, God hates lukewarm rather be hot or cold. I'm saying these thing not to be harsh (and I know they are) but in order to wake up a sleeping 'church' - I love you and God loves you so much He sent His son to carry your sin to the grave He died for your sin that you might die to self and live in Him forever.
Last and most important, remember in all things it's about God and His glory not yours and most definitely not mine. Praise his name forever.
Amen
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